Rant

You truly pissed me off tonight. And I know that you know it. It's why you spent the entire drive home appologizing and offering me excuses. But it doesn't even matter anymore. Because I've learned things about myself tonight.

I cared about you with a depth of emotion that I didn't know I was capable of feeling. And I trusted you with everything in me. But now? I don't even want to be around you. And you can't even understand why I'm so mad.

I DID NOT spend three monthes of my life lying in a bed, fighting a tumor the size of a soft ball and four different kinds of withdrawl for me to ever want to be around it again.

When you lied and said that you didn't do it anymore, I believed you. When you said that you had started again, but promised to never do it around me, I believed you. When you did do it around me, but appologized and said that you would never do it around me again, I believed you. But tonight, when you walked up those stairs, I was ready to leave and M was going to take me. I don't care if you do it, (I'm not that much of a hypocrit) just NOT AROUND ME.

And you say, that if you ever even think about doing it again I'm supposed to walk into the room and kick your ass. No. I shouldn't have to. But I will leave and you will never see me again. That is how much this means to ME.

Right now I don't want to see you. I don't want to be around you. And tomorrow at karate, I will kick your ass.

You almost had me in tears tonight. After everything I have been through this weekend (I'll get into that at another time.), you do this. You knew the hell that I've been through, you talk me into going out and you break THIS promise.

I haven't talked to AT in a week, and he called me 20 minutes ago, because he had a feeling that I was mad. He's ready to get on the next plan back to Indiana to kick your ass.

But hey, at least I know I'm actually capable of feeling strong emotion. If nothing else, you've done that.