homeward bound
I'm home. For the first time in two monthes. I miss it here so much. I feel like I can breathe. Yea, I've been thrown over a couch and tickled to death, but it's worth it. I grilled steak with dad and then mom and I made CC cookies. She always makes them the best. And we watched Hitch. lol. Love that movie....
I haven't really felt like updating lately. So many things running through my head, and yet nothing concrete. Fears, dreams, hopes, demons, all constantly in thoughts, but never coherent.
Some days I feel like giving up on everything. Like today. I wanted to walk away from Indy and everything there. All of it. The people. The drama. The memories. But I then realized that there will be drama anywhere and I'd miss the people and the memories make me who I am.
I want to talk to you and yet I could never find the words to say what's on my mind
I've started looking throuhg my scrapbooks and photo albums tonight. Hmmm....I can't help but laugh. But it isn't a laugh of fond memories or times remembered, it's the cynical laugh of someone who knows how sheltered they were and regrets that they now see things clearly.
Mom sees that I'm hurting. I wish I could tell her it's nothing. I wish I could still hide it. But that isn't truely what I want. I sat on dad's lap and talked to him forever earlier. I dunno. Watching my parents together is still the most amazing sight. They're perfect and I love them so much. It makes me sad for the firl I used to be. I wish that I still lived in a world where making them proud of me was all that mattered and making even the biggest mistakes was okay because they truely weren't that bad. It's like putting on a show every time I'm here so that hopefully they don't see what really going on. But I know that they know. But I love being here and feeling the unconditional love that have been so constant through everything in my life.
Who knows. I can't write this now. And it looks like I'm signed up to have my lil bro kick my ass at XBox.....lol.
Mood: happy in a peaceful and reflexive kinda way....
I haven't really felt like updating lately. So many things running through my head, and yet nothing concrete. Fears, dreams, hopes, demons, all constantly in thoughts, but never coherent.
Some days I feel like giving up on everything. Like today. I wanted to walk away from Indy and everything there. All of it. The people. The drama. The memories. But I then realized that there will be drama anywhere and I'd miss the people and the memories make me who I am.
I want to talk to you and yet I could never find the words to say what's on my mind
I've started looking throuhg my scrapbooks and photo albums tonight. Hmmm....I can't help but laugh. But it isn't a laugh of fond memories or times remembered, it's the cynical laugh of someone who knows how sheltered they were and regrets that they now see things clearly.
Mom sees that I'm hurting. I wish I could tell her it's nothing. I wish I could still hide it. But that isn't truely what I want. I sat on dad's lap and talked to him forever earlier. I dunno. Watching my parents together is still the most amazing sight. They're perfect and I love them so much. It makes me sad for the firl I used to be. I wish that I still lived in a world where making them proud of me was all that mattered and making even the biggest mistakes was okay because they truely weren't that bad. It's like putting on a show every time I'm here so that hopefully they don't see what really going on. But I know that they know. But I love being here and feeling the unconditional love that have been so constant through everything in my life.
Who knows. I can't write this now. And it looks like I'm signed up to have my lil bro kick my ass at XBox.....lol.
Mood: happy in a peaceful and reflexive kinda way....
posted by Sara Beth @ 10:21:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home